Two years in the past, in July of 2022, I wrote a be aware to myself on a Publish-it and caught it on the nook of my monitor after a very onerous day.
It says, “Think about your self in July 2024, wanting again at your self now.”
On the time, I used to be a number of months right into a writing job which I appreciated with a Bay Space magnificence model, however issues on the horizon have been wanting grim.
An enormous chunk of the artistic staff whom I labored with intently have been let go due to finances cuts, and folks in key administration positions have been leaving left and proper.
I began taking up obligations that I didn’t really feel totally ready for, and it felt prefer it was solely a matter of time earlier than I used to be let go, too.
(Spoiler alert, it occurred only a couple quick months later.)
The load of fear
I started experiencing heightened anxiousness fairly incessantly. I apprehensive not nearly my job however about all the things in my orbit—Connor, funds, issues breaking round the home, and many others., each day. Even seemingly small issues, just like the altering of the format at Dealer Joe’s, would actually, REALLY stress me out. I attempted to placed on a courageous face for the skin world, however inside, it felt like there have been threats coming at me from all angles. It was getting tougher and tougher to “carry on keepin’ on.”
What was it that prompted me to write down this message to myself, I can’t keep in mind precisely, however now, wanting again, I’m guessing that one thing deep inside me, the a part of me that has all the time helped maintain me secure, knew that I wanted a lifeline. My inside compass, providing up a small kernel of hope.
The be aware sat on the nook of my monitor for 2 years. Day in, time out, from that day till now.
In that chunk of time, I did plenty of onerous issues.
Rejection, I do know thee effectively
I utilized for and obtained rejected from so many roles, OMG! I’d undergo whole interview processes that will final months, and I’d make it to the very finish to lose the place to another person who was just a bit bit extra skilled than I used to be. This occurred a minimum of 5 or 6 occasions. It was heartbreaking.
I additionally navigated a scary sickness whereas switching our household’s healthcare protection to a brand new system. Aspect be aware, this was actually very tough. Ten out of ten DO NOT RECOMMEND. However after a number of horrifying incidents, sifting by way of a number of docs who handed me round like a scorching potato, and oh so many scary exams, I’m nonetheless right here, and hopefully I shall be for some time, knock on wooden.
I drew boundaries with unhealthy relationships, and whereas social media makes it sound like that is straightforward, it’s not. Folks get harm from all sides. Sigh.
The sunny spots
Good issues additionally occurred throughout that point, too, although.
Ultimately, I discovered the job I at present have now on the faculty, and whereas it’s not what I had deliberate at this level in my profession, I’m completely happy that I work cheap hours and have the time to spend with Connor whereas she’s younger and nonetheless wants rather a lot from me.
Connor additionally sailed by way of first and second grade, and she or he’s studying the best way to higher deal with the challenges of elementary faculty. Aspect be aware: keep in mind the playground drama out of your childhood years? It’s nonetheless there, besides the ladies are sneakier and meaner.
El Hub began a brand new job that offers him extra time to spend with us, and oh! We added one other member to our fam bam, Miss Marnie the Aussie, who’s plenty of excessive power enjoyable.
Anyway, it’s been a protracted two years and I really feel like such a unique particular person now. I imply, sure, I nonetheless carry some weight of the concern I felt that day once I wrote the Publish-it, but it surely’s not as heavy because it used to really feel.
I’ve largely good days, and for the primary time shortly, I’m fairly completely happy.
You realize the outdated saying that this too shall go?
I suppose it does. And typically it takes a Publish-it that can assist you out alongside the best way to remind you that issues will finally get higher.
Two years from now, it’ll be July 2026. My hope for us is that by then, we’re all feeling regular and powerful, and that we’re in an excellent place.
In the event you can’t see it now, dangle in there. You’ll get there in time.
Your pleasant neighborhood magnificence addict,
Karen
